I'm Depressed, So Why Doesn't God Care?
Hi. I chose to write this one because I suffer from depression and i feel a VAST majority of feelings. It's been very hard to deal with depression, not because the pills make me feel weird, or because the financial struggle between doctors and medicine make it worse; granted, those are SOME reasons. But the main reason why it's been hard to deal with is because I am a Christian. God is on my mind in every hour of every day. Even if I'm out having a little drinky-poo with my friends, or if i was ever doing something completely sinister. God was still in the back of my head. Always.
Now, It's hard for me to feel depression because it's not something i brought on myself. Its not because of some crazy events that happened in my life, (tho there have been many very bad things). I was born with a chemical imbalance; I'll talk about whether depression is a chemical imbalance or not in another blog.
I was hoping that someone else who was experiencing depression would read this, because i want first and foremost for my reader to really understand that i am literally "suffering" from depression. Its been hard. I'll wake up in the morning and everything seems fine, until i accidentally knock my keys off my dresser, or stub my toe on my bed. If the phone rings and i pick it up, and it starts to die on me, i frantically hafta search for another phone! Quick before it dies again! Go! Go! Go! And these little things... the keys, the stubbing toe, or the phone...start an anxiety problem. My anxiety quickly becomes frustration and anger, and frustration and anger turns violently into depression; (not violence. never violence).
Now what do i mean by depression? Well, crying because I'm frustrated with life. I try to reach out to friends and family that i know care about me, but even when they try to cheer me up, it doesn't help. Even when my family that loves me, tells me they love me, shows me they love me, explains to me they love me... i cannot feel their love. Their efforts were for nothing, and watching how they fail, attempt after attempt to make me feel better, makes me feel even worse. And thinking about feeling bad after they tried to cheer me up! THAT makes me feel bad too. I begin to feel like nobody will understand, nobody will EVER understand. How could they? Unless they were going through what i was going through right then and there, there is NO WAY they could POSSIBLY understand! I find myself blaming the doctor because his medicine is making things worse, or not working at all. I find myself blaming friends and family for not being easy on me and trying hard not to upset me. I even blame myself for ever stepping out of my bedroom.
I want you to know that I have been through some pain. Maybe not the same kind, maybe you have had a family problem. Maybe you are being abused or beaten by a loved one. My heart bleeds for you, it really does. I couldn't imagine what that pain feels like. Maybe you lost a loved one, and are SO depressed that you feel God isn't watching you anymore, or even if He ever was watching you at all. I've felt that way before. I've felt like I had wished i was never born. I've cried out to God, whom i thought putting my faith and trust in, would SURELY help me past the pain. I've cried out, "God!! Why won't you listen to me! Are you deaf!? Are you even real!?? Are you there, God? Or are you just ignoring me!? I'm depressed God, why don't you care!?"
I want to start out with this: God is listening. He cares about what you and I are dealing with. The Bible says that God already knows whats in our hearts!
Psalm 139: 1-2 "You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar."
But this says he knows what we are feeling! That doesn't mean he cares! I've felt this way before too. Knowing one thing and feeling it are another. I could feel like God knows what I'm feeling all day long, but if I wasn't feeling like he was doing something about it, then he didn't care. I assure you however, that God not only hears your cries of distress, and knows what kind of pain you are in, but he cares for you! Not just that God is some kind of sadist and loves to see you suffer. Your pains are his pains too! You see, as a Christian you come to know and believe in the death of Jesus Christ who died for every man on the earth! He was crushed by the Father, laid on the cross to die a terrible death.
Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior most assuredly knows your pain, we've discussed this. But does he understand? You tell me. Jesus' father sent him to a cross to die. He wasn't just beaten or abused, he was killed. Jesus Christ felt the pain of the Holy Father crushing Him. Isaiah 53:10 says ".. it pleased Yaweh to crush Him." As Jesus hung there on the cross, He watched his mother crying, as there was nothing she could do for Him. Much like how i feel, when i know even tho my pain is unbearable at times, there is not much anyone can do for me except be with me in my times of trouble, pray, and hope it gets better. Jesus was nailed to that cross, and spit on! Stabbed. Rebuked. They mocked him and cursed him. These people who he had tried so hard to teach the gospel to. The same people who he healed on the streets, the same people who he showed love and compassion for, the same people that with all of his heart he loved, were screaming at him, wishing him to death.
Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior most assuredly knows your pain, we've discussed this. But does he understand? You tell me. Jesus' father sent him to a cross to die. He wasn't just beaten or abused, he was killed. Jesus Christ felt the pain of the Holy Father crushing Him. Isaiah 53:10 says ".. it pleased Yaweh to crush Him." As Jesus hung there on the cross, He watched his mother crying, as there was nothing she could do for Him. Much like how i feel, when i know even tho my pain is unbearable at times, there is not much anyone can do for me except be with me in my times of trouble, pray, and hope it gets better. Jesus was nailed to that cross, and spit on! Stabbed. Rebuked. They mocked him and cursed him. These people who he had tried so hard to teach the gospel to. The same people who he healed on the streets, the same people who he showed love and compassion for, the same people that with all of his heart he loved, were screaming at him, wishing him to death.
Even his best friends betrayed him. Namely Judas. You think Judas liked killing Christ? He wasn't an uncaring man. Judas took the 30 pieces of silver that he was paid to hand Jesus over to the Romans, and tried to return it to the Sanhedrin!
Matthew 27: 3-10 "When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders.“I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.
Does that sound like someone who felt good about what he did? In fact, Judas was so distraught at the death of Jesus, that he decided death was better than life.
Matthew 27: 5 says "So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself."
That wasn't the only friend that betrayed him! When Jesus told his friends, the disciples that they would all "fall away from Him" this is what Peter said...
Mark 14: 39 - 21 "Peter declared, “Even if all fall away, I will not.” “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times.”
But Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the others said the same."But when Jesus was on trial, the crowd was searching for MORE believers! They were hanging Jesus! And if they could find more... they would!
Matthew 26:69 - 71 "Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.” He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your 'accent' gives you away.” Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly."
Jesus had suffered every insult, every pain, every hardship. He even suffered the loss of a friend, Lazarus:
John 11: 32-36 "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. The Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Jesus is no stranger to pain. In fact, His pain was the worst pain anyone in recorded history has ever felt. Even scholars who try to dismiss this fact by pointing out brutal tortures forget that even the most brutal and agonizing torture, would never have lasted as long as the crucifixion.
OK! So Jesus hears our cries! Check. He also understands our pains and sufferings! Check. But wait a second.. if he knows and understands... WHY ISN'T HE DOING ANYTHING? I've pondered this question before too. But I've forgotten something important when thinking of my own pain. I've forgotten how pain has made me grow. How, if i had never touched that hot skillet when i was a young boy, i would never have known "hey, that stove can get HOT sometimes!" Or, if i had never felt the sorrow of the death of my friend, the death of my family would have been SO much more painful. Pain makes us stronger! It builds character, and spiritual growth! Is this biblical? Lets see..
Malachi 3:3 "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
2 Corinthians 12:10 "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. "
We are like diamonds in a refinery. In order to become beautiful, wonderful things for God to use, we must go through a refinery. The heat and flames might tear us apart! But it is for the glory of God that we feel these things. And we can take heart too! You can feel confident that he will make the pain go away!
Jesus had suffered every insult, every pain, every hardship. He even suffered the loss of a friend, Lazarus:
John 11: 32-36 "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. The Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Jesus is no stranger to pain. In fact, His pain was the worst pain anyone in recorded history has ever felt. Even scholars who try to dismiss this fact by pointing out brutal tortures forget that even the most brutal and agonizing torture, would never have lasted as long as the crucifixion.
OK! So Jesus hears our cries! Check. He also understands our pains and sufferings! Check. But wait a second.. if he knows and understands... WHY ISN'T HE DOING ANYTHING? I've pondered this question before too. But I've forgotten something important when thinking of my own pain. I've forgotten how pain has made me grow. How, if i had never touched that hot skillet when i was a young boy, i would never have known "hey, that stove can get HOT sometimes!" Or, if i had never felt the sorrow of the death of my friend, the death of my family would have been SO much more painful. Pain makes us stronger! It builds character, and spiritual growth! Is this biblical? Lets see..
Malachi 3:3 "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
2 Corinthians 12:10 "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. "
We are like diamonds in a refinery. In order to become beautiful, wonderful things for God to use, we must go through a refinery. The heat and flames might tear us apart! But it is for the glory of God that we feel these things. And we can take heart too! You can feel confident that he will make the pain go away!
Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Even when you ask Him to, he will comfort you!
John 14:13 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
So remember. When you are feeling depressed like me, you can always count on Jesus. God listens to you. He cares for you! He doesn't like to see his children suffer. He wants the best for us!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
And always remember, just when you think you're feeling SO depressed that nobody could POSSIBLY know the pain you are going through, remember that Jesus Christ definitely feels your pain. He knows your heart, and how you feel. Its OK to yell at Him in frustration, because he has been frustrated before. Its OK to cry out in pain, because He has cried out in pain. Its OK to feel loss, because He too has felt loss. God wants to know who we are in our barest form! And He definitely can set us free from that pain, or reward us for it. Just come to God when you are in need, and like He said, He won't leave you, ever.
Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
